I had to go back eight months, to 11/17/08. I wrote a blog then called Separating me.
It seems sanctification is a continual work, but my finite understanding and fleshly mind seem to overlook that.
Recently, I had a stressful experience. I had a mountain of work, stress at home and my father recently had a heart attack. On a good note, I have a job, beautiful family, and my father is healing and recovering. I also had not been taking enough time to take care of myself.
During this stressful time, I encountered an old emotion of what I would call ‘abandonment’. If you read some of the about revelator history you will see that when I was 13 years old my mother died. I was her nurse at times. At 15, I moved out. I also was found by the Lord at 15 years old. At 14-15 I think, my father remarried and had more children. At this point in my life, I was solo. I was by myself without my mom. She was like my best friend, but was not on earth anymore. The only part left of her was me. I love my mother and she is alive. She is not dead. Her body is asleep. I will see her again in glory. She is in His presence. Can you imagine that? At 15 years old, I also almost became a father with a 19 year girl. When I was 20 years old, 5 years later, I found out she had a miscarriage with twins. She had told me 5 years previous it was a false alarm.
After my mother died, even though I accepted the Lord in my heart I did not have a spiritual foundation. My foundation self-based. I also had not dealt with the areas in my soul that the Lord desired wholeness and healing in. I was promiscuous, drank a lot of alcohol, did a lot of drugs and wanted to hurt people because I was angry and hurt. In my mind and heart, I was abandoned.
I read Hebrews 13:5 where Jesus says, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” I believed it. I experienced it, but apparently there are areas that are in our souls that are deeper than deep. We are spiritual beings that will not die. We are created in the image of God’s Son Who is immortal. So, our souls likely possess immeasurable depth. Psalms 42:7 says, “Deep calleth unto deep…”
So, the pressures of life came to attempt to choke the word in me. At this time, I was by myself. This old emotion of abandonment crept up or in and memories were triggered that had been attached to it. I became angry and frustrated. Where is the full armor of God? I am saved, helmet of salvation. Where is the shield of faith? Where is the sword of the Spirit? The quickened Word of God.
This situation made me do some serious praying and self-reflection. I had to take a more serious look at and tell myself once again Hebrews 13:5. Faith comes by hearing the word of God. When I did something happened.
This old awareness of abandonment faded away and is fading. I believe spiritual substance was created. This new spiritual substance became and is a part of me or Christ in me. It separated me from abandonment in an extremely deep area in my soul.
Hebrews talks about “purging our conscience from dead works”. Like I said, “I thought I knew.” It seems when I think I know something the Lord says, “Here’s some more.” And I say, “Huh?”
In Christ, if we are really new creations in Him then it may not be what we think a new creation is. It isn’t. It is what He reveals by His power. 2 Cor. 5:17 says, “The old is gone. The new has come.” In a word, that is how I could describe it. “The old is gone.” Gone means there is no longer awareness of it. This ties into a conscience that is whole and sanctified. It is no longer aware of the judgment or penalty of self-imposed law.
I believe the experience of desertion made me lean on my own understanding that originated from my family traditions, culture and dead religion. This ‘self-imposed law’ told me I need to be a ‘certain way’ in order to avoid abandonment. This self-rule separated me from life and peace, Rom. 8:6.
As Paul says, “Thanks be to God who gives us the victory in Christ Jesus!” I have been separated from this body of death, Rom. 7:24, and these ‘dead works’ no longer matter or have power because of the complete work of Christ. His complete work is fulfilling its purpose in me by grace and revelation.
Currently, I am once again in unfamiliar territory. Why do I say that? I say that because for years I have been use to listening to ‘self-imposed’ law written in my heart that says, “You gotta be like this or that.” This self-imposed law can be a false sense of security. Now, even after 21 years of being saved, it is an unusual, but invigorating perception of reality. I believe this is called liberty and salvation. If we grow in Christ, 2 Peter 3:18, then our liberty has to grow as well. Otherwise, are we growing?
I can see people when prisoners are released from prison squinting their eyes in amazement and wonder with the new thought that they are free. He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!, John 8:36.
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