Great article from Marriage Today.
One of the most challenging verses in the Bible is Ephesians 5:25, which says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” God’s standard for men is that you give your life for her.
You love your wife more than you love yourself. You sacrifice for her. You strive to meet her needs. What are those needs?
#1 A woman’s greatest need is security.
She needs to know she is safe and provided for, and instinctively knows this occurs through a sacrificial husband.
She needs to know that you will sacrifice your interest, a hobby, a friend, an event, an opportunity, a promotion if necessary to make sure her needs are met. Nothing is more important than her.
A wife who has to resort to nagging or begging has a husband who is not sensitive to her needs. A wife who lacks romance in her marriage has a husband who is not sensitive to her needs. She shouldn’t have to ask.
#2 A woman’s number-two need is soft, non-sexual affection.
Guys, she wants to be held without being pinched, tickled, or groped. Why? Because it communicates to her that she’s more to you than a sex object, and that you are connected on a higher level than just sex.
I grew up with two older brothers and pretty much lived in a war zone. I didn’t know how to be affectionate. Early in our marriage, when I hugged Karen, it probably looked and felt more like a headlock.
We struggled until the day I became aware how I was failing in this area. Deliberately, I tried to be gentle. I held her hand without pinching. I put my arm around her without letting it…wander. She said, “I like that.”
That’s when everything began to improve. Men, if you are not affectionate toward your wife, saying “that’s just the way I am” is no excuse. You need to change.
#3 A woman’s third need is open and honest communication.
When your wife asks “How was your day?” she wants more than grunts and groans. She wants to connect with you. She wants access to your heart.
A healthy marriage requires both the husband and wife to talk to each other—to really talk, even if that feels awkward to you. Men, she doesn’t just need you to share your feelings, she deserves that from you. I often say that, in a good marriage, a wife must be more sexual than she feels and a husband must be more conversational than he feels.
#4 The final need of a woman is leadership.
Women don’t want to be dominated—they deserve to be treated as an equal partner—but they do want their husband to be the loving initiator of the home in terms of the children, romance, finances, and spiritual matters.
That doesn’t mean the husband makes decisions without her, but it does mean that he initiates the process. Women don’t respond to passive husbands.
Security. Affection. Communication. Leadership. When a husband sacrifices for his wife and meets these needs, he goes a long way toward loving her like Jesus loved the Church. In the process, he’ll do his part to build an amazing marriage.
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